In this post, I’m telling you about 11 things I do for my husband through my role as a homemaker.
These aren’t things that I’ve always done.
Our marriage hasn’t always been smooth sailing, and we had a lot to learn once we added a baby to the mix.
During our three years of marriage, I’ve discovered a handful of things I can do as a wife and homemaker to love my husband and enrich his life.
Most of these things are small, but they’ve made a big impact.
Here are the ways that I prioritize and serve my husband!
The Importance of Homemaking
As a homemaker, you essentially create and sustain the atmosphere of the micro-planet that is your home.
You control your family’s environment.
For the most part, you dictate whether that atmosphere is nurturing, peaceful, restorative, and secure, or toxic, disorganized, chaotic, and stressful.
A lot of factors contribute to the quality of your home atmosphere:
- Your attitude about homemaking and housekeeping
- The amount of stuff and clutter you hang on to
- The amount of time you have to spend cleaning
- Whether the spaces in your home are tidy and aesthetically pleasing
- The state of your house when your husband gets home from work
The way you treat your role as a homemaker is a significant part of the way your children will remember you, and how you manage your home sets the example for them.
But homemaking isn’t just for your children. It helps to set the tone for your marriage, as well.
11 Things I Do For My Husband
#1. Make his breakfast + Pack his lunch
This is something I try to do at least every weekday before he leaves for work.
I don’t get fancy or creative, but he does appreciate knowing that when he gets out of the shower, he has a hot breakfast and fresh coffee waiting for him at the table, and that he won’t have to scramble to throw together lunch on his way out the door.
Packing his lunch requires almost no effort from me since we always have leftovers from dinner the night before, but it’s one less thing he has to think about in the mornings.
#2. Iron his clothes
My husband would be perfectly content to wear wrinkly clothes to work every day, despite the professional nature of his career.
He firmly believes that no one notices or cares anyway.
I firmly believe that he is wrong.
I want to support my husband’s career and help him to present himself competently and maturely, so even though he doesn’t think it’s important, I iron his work clothes regularly.
I used to hate ironing.
In fact, I still hate ironing my own clothes.
But with my husband’s clothes, I love to take my time and iron them with the greatest care, even though I know exactly what’s going to happen as soon as he pulls them off of the hanger.
(It doesn’t hurt that I use ironing to justify watching a few episodes of whatever show I’m digging at the time.)
Ironing his clothes is kind of a unique task.
Just about everything else I do contributes to our household in compound ways.
We all eat meals when I cook, we all live in the apartment that I clean, etc.
But when I iron, it is JUST for him and no one else.
Because of that, it feels like a special way to demonstrating my love and respect for him with each wrinkle I press.
#3. Get dressed before he comes home
I am a firm believer in getting dressed and appearing presentable every day, even with no plans to leave the house.
Buuuut, realistically that doesn’t always happen.
So on days when I don’t get dressed for myself, I try to at least pull myself together quickly before he gets home.
It’s not as though he loves me any less for looking like a half-crazed wartime refugee when he gets home.
It’s just a simple thing I can do to make his day a little bit nicer.
I’ll confess, I’ve been a little lax with this one lately because our apartment is cold and our toddler has been nursing a lot.
It’s more comfortable and convenient to wear things with easy nursing access (translate: bathrobe).
However, in general, I do like to put in a little extra effort for him.
#4. Speed clean before he gets home
Along a similar line, I also try to speedily tidy our apartment before he gets home in the evening.
He honestly does not care if our apartment is clean or not when he gets back (so he says).
However, I believe the subconscious is more heavily impacted by disorder than we always realize.
Normally, I make an effort to stick to a daily cleaning routine, but on the days that I just don’t get to it, I try to at least scurry around and pick up in the hour or half hour before my husband gets back.
Related: The ULTIMATE System to Keep Your Home Tidy Every Day
Even on days that I have cleaned, the force of entropy is strong in our home (and looks an awful lot like a toddler), so sometimes a quick tidy is still needed.
I personally value having our home be aesthetically pleasing and orderly, and I believe that it does contribute to the atmosphere of our environment— whether it is relaxing and secure or disorderly and stressful.
He did admit for this post that he DOES notice between the days when I do my last minute speed clean and the days I don’t.
#5. Take the lead on nighttime parenting (At Least weeknights)
Since we have a more traditional setup in our home, where I am a full-time wife, mother, and homemaker, and my husband is the full-time breadwinner, I take the lead on nighttime parenting.
While I can’t necessarily just “nap while the baby naps” during the day, my schedule IS more flexible than his, and I don’t have to keep my brain turned on all the time like he does.
We began this practice while he was in grad school full-time AND working full time because sleep was so critical for his daily responsibilities.
In a home where both partners work outside of the home, the nighttime parenting might need to be more equitably divided, but for us, this works.
Sometimes I ask for a little reprieve on the weekends, but it is important to me that my husband have the best rest possible on work nights.
Related: How We Manage Sleep With a Fussy [High-Need] Baby
#6. Meal plan and cook dinner regularly
As I outlined this post, I asked my husband what things I do that he really likes.
His first response was enthusiastic:
“I love–absolutely adore–that you cook dinner every night and make enough for leftovers the next day!”
He pointed out that he doesn’t just like regular cooking, but also appreciates the structure of a meal plan.
His feedback made me realize he derives some sense of security from a weekly menu and nightly dinners.
He also never has to wonder where his lunch is going to come from the next day!
He always has delicious leftovers to take to work (which saves me the effort of prepping another meal every morning).
#7. Stay in touch during the day
This is one I hadn’t thought of that he pointed out.
He enjoys getting Snapchats with pictures and videos of me and our toddler during the day.
He likes receiving updates on how our day is going and what we’re up to.
And he really appreciates words of affirmation
#8. Help him to define his role and family involvement
I have a strong, very assertive personality and tend to naturally take charge.
In other words, I’m bossy.
My husband is way more chill than I am, but as a result, can easily end up being left out.
My default is to feel like my way is the best way, and in general, I can do things more efficiently than he can anyway.
However, that doesn’t contribute to a healthy family dynamic.
I have had to learn to be intentional about stepping back and allowing him space to parent his way.
He really enjoys having his own routines with our daughter, especially since he’s away from her 5 days a week.
Every evening, she has her milkies and then he ushers her into her nursery for books, prayer, and bedtime.
Just about every Saturday is Daddy-Daughter day. I leave home to go to a local coffee shop and work, and he spends one-on-one time with her, whether it’s watching National Geographic videos on YouTube of weird animal noises or taking her on outings.
I had a really hard time getting to the point that I could relinquish control and leave them alone together. Not because he isn’t trustworthy, but because in my pride, I feel as though no one can take care of her the way I can.
He very much values having a distinct role in our home and our family, and as a wife and homemaker, part of my responsibility is to help reinforce is role, rather than detract from it by taking over when I think I can do better.
#9. Tell him what I need
In all honesty, this more of a goal than a current habit.
It is something I’m not good at doing that I’m trying to improve on.
As with many men, my husband cannot read my mind.
He also doesn’t view messes and household tasks the same way I do.
While a sink of dishes will drive me up a wall, it doesn’t bother him a bit to wait until every surface in the kitchen is buried.
That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s lazy, or that he doesn’t care about me by not taking the initiative to do them.
His brain processes differently than mine, and he has a different internal value system.
It doesn’t benefit our marriage for me to fume and bang cabinet doors hoping that he’ll pick up on my aggravation.
Instead, if I need to be doing other things or want a break, it benefits us both for me to simply ask him to do the dishes.
Likewise, if I’m feeling overwhelmed or anxious, if I’m having a rough day, if parenting has worn my patience to a nub, if I desperately need a few minutes to myself, if I’m dying to take a shower (FINALLY), it’s my responsibility to voice these things to him.
It is not his job to guess at how I’m feeling, or naturally intuit what tasks I need him to do.
He’s not “helping” me by cleaning up toys or sweeping the floor, and he’s not “babysitting” when he takes the lead on parenting. He’s filling his role as a husband and parent. But he does need a little direction.
Since he’s gone all day five days a week and I am responsible for the day to day workings of our household, he looks to me to know what he can do to be most helpful.
#10. Claim time for myself
I am a better wife and mother when I take a break from being a wife and mother.
I have learned that I have to be intentional about vocalizing my needs, and setting boundaries on my time.
I started a 4 A.M. morning routine to help carve out space for myself.
I leave the apartment on Saturdays to step away from my responsibilities and have time on my own to focus on work or meet with a friend.
I also take our daughter to the gym with me four days a week to play in the provided child care while I work out (something my husband greatly appreciates hehe).
My husband likes me a heck of a lot better when I feel better.
My job is to take care of myself and keep my heart and my head in the right place.
When I need help to make that happen, I have to be direct about what I need from him to take care of myself.
#11. Respect his “me” time
In turn, I have had to learn to respect his “me-time.”
At first, I would be hurt that he wanted to spend time by himself rather than spend every spare moment with me.
As time went on, though, I realized I didn’t want to spend every spare moment with him, either!
He understood something I hadn’t yet come to value, and that is ME time.
I also used to get irritated by how he chose to spend his me-time.
There were so many better, more intellectually stimulating things I felt he could do!
But I’m not his mother.
It’s not my job or my place to manage how he spends his free time.
Book Recommendation: How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids by Jancee Dunn (every mom should read this book!)
As his wife, I need to respect his personal time and space, and if I’m irritated that he’s taking time for himself when there are things that need to be done, then when the time is appropriate, I can calmly and clearly articulate what I would like from him and how I’m feeling (I’m bad at that, btw).
Just as I am a better wife and mother when I get a chance to clock out, he is a better husband and father when he has some time to wind down on his own.
Your Turn!
Let me know in the comments below…
What little (or big) things do you do around your home as a way of loving your husband?
I’d love to steal some ideas from you, so let me know!
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